Birthday

It is December 9th, 2009 in Japan already. My mother was born, Dec 9th, 1933. I am very grateful for all her effort and sacrifices she made to raise my brother and I. It is a very special time to reflect and remember how precious it is that she was born and how fortunate I am that I was born as her daughter 33 years later. The 4th photo is the home where my mother was born. She is held by her mother in front of their home that my grand father designed. It is located in Jiyugaoka, Tokyo.
My grandmother's portrait is the last one on the left of this paragraph. She was a model, I heard, primarily because she was so tall for her generation (but I am taller than her) and she was quite beautiful. She never sought out to become a model, of course, she was quite a revolutionary character those days so she stood out. She used to tell me that she was one of the first woman in Kyoto, Japan who began regularly wearing western clothing, or ride a bike in public, or go to college. It did not bother her to be different. I wish I could have been a bug on a wall or a fly in the air to watch the heads turn as my grandmother sped through town on her bike. My mother used to tell me that she thought her mother was a foreigner because her mom, to my mom looked so different from other ordinary Japanese mothers.

My grandfather was an architect engineer who spent years in Germany to study and research on and off. One of those times, he brought home his own German made camera. Back in 1930's. it was not a daily thing to find a commoner owning his or her own camera. But, thanks to the German camera, I am blessed to be able to behold the image of these moments that my grandfather captured through the viewfinder of his own camera that he held in his hands with pride. I can hear him cheering his kids to make them smile. Later, when I learned that I love photography very much, I always wondered if he and I could have been buddies. Unfortunately, he left this earth when my mother was only 22 years old. But to think that I am seeing what brought him joy is precious.

My mother was the third of the 4 children. Her older sister, Sachiko has been gone for over 20 yrs. Her older brother passed away June of 2008. So it is just her younger brother and my mother left. The photo of my mother and the younger brother second to the top was taken by her dad the day before the children were taken away from their homes to escape from the bombings in Tokyo. School age children of her age were all taken to the country with their teachers to live in what we would consider deplorable living condition, yet safer. One day, my mother commented that this photo should be titled, "ignorance is a bliss". If she had only known what was ahead of her, she could not even look at her father and smile even for a camera. She used to cry when we asked her about those difficult days. I often wonder what went though my grandfather's mind when he captured these smiles of his children who were leaving, not knowing if he would see them again. I can not imagine the poweless feeling that he must have felt knowing that he could not keep his children safe in his own home. We raise our son in much different world.

I don't know if it is because my mother was quite accustomed to her father living in Germany or her mother spending some time in England and US or her older sister sailing away to England in the 50's, my mother did not oppose to me leaving home. She actually encouraged it by saying that she did not raise me to keep around to take care of her. She was extremely clear on that issue. So, I left and never returned home on a permanent basis. I found my calling far away from where I grew up. And often I feel guilty, incredibly guilty for not having been there to look after her needs. But she would laugh, "what needs? I don't
need a thing".

I am blessed that she did not just have me but she gave me a precious, gifted, and compassionate younger brother. I would go absolutely insane, if it were not for the fact that my brother lives only 5 minutes from my mother. After my father's passing, my brother found a perfect place for her to move near him. He is a saint. Especially now that my father is deceased, preciousness of a parent is felt heavier and my brother said that, he wants to make sure our mom is comfortable. You only have one set of parents who give you the biological inheritance. It is a gift when you know your own biological parents and be able to have relationship with them. Even when you did not think you had meaningful relationship with your parent, loss of it would only exponentially enhance the value of your loss. Once it is gone, it is out of your reach. If this makes any sense.

So, Happy Birthday to my mother. I am sorry I am so far away.