The band room at LSU

No, nothing against LSU or Mike the Tiger. We visited the LSU campus in Baton Rouge for the first time on 6-5-10 for a state piano competition that Erik participated. I may have been dreaming but I had a certain image of a small but descent size recital hall to be the place of competition. We arrived at a very large (comparing with other music building I have seen) music building. When we found the room that was designated as the room where Erik's group's competition was to be held, I was in such a shock that I could not utter a word. Friends who were with us could never know what I really felt deep in my psyche. The door was locked initially that I could not see the inside but there was a sign that said "Band room'. A "Band Room"? When the door was opened and we were allowed in, I saw a crammed room with just enough to seat maybe 25 people with a small grand sitting in the front of the room against the white writing board on the wall (like every classroom has).

I regretted somewhat of some of the conversation I remember having with my son about "playing at LSU at the State Competition". Last year, the state competition was held at Louisiana Tech in Ruston. Erik's group played in a small recital hall at Tech where students often have their senior recitals. It is meant to be a room that makes even a child feel that it is a place to Perform. There is an element of "feeling" we draw from the atmosphere of the setting and we were both expecting something more than a small band room at the state competition at LSU. My guess is that the piano does not belong to the school either, perhaps rented. It sat rather awkwardly in the front and I sensed the piano probably felt out of place a bit when he was first brought in. "I don't usually belong to a band room".

But Erik played the best he could at this band room and performed for us. He appeared a bit withdrawn or shy, not quite as confident as I have seen in the past to be honest. Like he could not make the piano to merge with him, so to speak. After his performance, he returned to the seat where we were and rolled his eyes before sitting down next to his teacher indicating that he struggled.

I said it was not his best, because for some reason, his forte did not come through as forte and it minimized the dynamic range slightly. He also clearly struggled with the piano. He said that the keys were really heavy. Hmm. I would compare it to a rider who kept his horse in line and made all the jumps without mistakes. But the jumps were not cleared with the same smoothness, elegance and the gusto. The piano was refusing to become a part of the player, it sounded like.

Last year, he did something similar. We have worked on letting him practice at various pianos to let his fingers to be able to adjust but he finds it tough to truly adjust. Or maybe it is his nerves that holds him back at the terminal endings of his fine motor control at an event like this. We do not know what all went into the performance yesterday. But he did well, he did not in anyway had a major crash or memory lapse. It just did not reflect the amount of work he did that he deserved for himself. But that is the way many things turn out.

Erik's piece, especially Rachmaninoff was the hardest piece played in his group. There was quite a range among this group and it was enjoyable to hear all the students. I would not be surprised if most of the students had been taking piano at an average of 3-4 years longer than Erik has been taking. He began in September of 2006 so not quite 4 years yet at this point. Also, he looked the youngest in the group. Some boys and girls looked like 15 years old. This group is supposed to be 7th and 8th graders. There is much maturity, poise, and other that go into the performance at a competition that I believe the judges watch for. I do know know what this one judge saw or heard yesterday in Erik. We will wait and find out when we receive the comment sheet.

She did give an honorary mention for a boy who made quite an error on one of his pieces making us wonder truly how better could we have prepared Erik? How much better does he need to be? Or what elements are we missing at this level of competition? We certainly will never know but we pray that our focus would never be on just the winning experience. He won two first places at local events this year. We give him all the applause for all that he achieved in learning new very difficult pieces. We are pleased that he had the band room experience yesterday. These experiences do help you learn to be better prepared for the next time. He was clearly a bit down when he did not hear his name when awards and the honorary mentions were given, but he bounced back very quickly. But I suspect that deeper somewhere, he probably felt more than he let on.

We appreciated the personal support Dr. Immel gave Erik by traveling down with us all the way to Baton Rouge. It was nice for Erik to feel that he still had full love and support from his teacher after an event like that. I saw Erik peaking at his teacher's face several times during the time the rest of the students were playing. His eyes were searching in a way for the signs of unchanging approval from his teacher. It broke my hears to watch this exchange but I knew Erik felt assured that his "not so perfect performance" did not displease his teacher terribly and that he still gave Erik the usual warm smile and encouraging pat on his shoulder. Erik is not articulate but I saw a lot of thoughts that crossed his mind.

After the award was announced, we went to see Mike the Tiger the 7th or 6th, which is the prized Mascot for this state university. he was sleeping in his habitat lazily. Then we found ourselves seats at a local Pizzeria near the campus to cheer, toast and celebrate the year together. After the award announcement, we saw our friend whose teacher was not there with them and I felt so fortunate that Erik's teacher cared and that he took time for this event. It was nice to be able to discuss a bit of what happened and what did not happen.

Personally, I struggled, perhaps more than Erik did during the 4 hour ride home. I wondered what did I not do for him to be better prepared. I wanted him to feel rewarded that he did an amazing job this year and be told of that from someone else besides his parents, teacher and our friends. That is perhaps the biggest reason why I felt sad for him that he was not at all recognized in any little way yesterday by anyone. But that is also the moment we must learn from. I must believe that we did the best as a family to support him with balance. Plus, clearly his performance was not his best and the judge sensed that. Who knows, she felt that he did not have the poise this pieces deserved, I do not know. So, now you know what a mother goes through with a child.... I remember reading the book written by the mother of Nobuyuki Tsujii, the blind pianist who won the first place at the Van Cliburn Piano Competition in 2009. As I traveled through my emotions, I was thinking about quite a few passages from her book where his mom described her deep emotions. I am not equating myself with the level of stress she endured but there was much similarity.

Erik will keep playing, and will continue to warm our hearts. Erik, your mom is more proud of you than you would ever know. Sometimes I struggle just how to adequately show my pride without appearing OYABAKA. (this is a unique Japanese expression that describes parents who are blindly proud of their child and appear rather silly and even stupid. Baka really means stupid, silly and OYA means a parents or parents).

The recording is not great but I hope you find it enjoyable.