One Year at a time


Erik Playing with my Wig, Dec 2002


Erik, weighing less than 5 lb.

Wow, is ALL I could say when I saw my "High School Freshman" opened the passenger door and hopped in after the first day of school. I am a mother of a freshman student? Or is my son old enough to be in high school? or whatever the thoughts that rushed to my mind was of simple amazement.. When I experienced cancer, I simply stopped thinking about things that pertain to the far future,, such as Erik in high school. I never imagined it. He was in kindergarten then, with an innocent smile, he asked what made me decide to change my hair style and shave it all off. Worriedly, he asked if he would pick up the same illness and lose his hair by kissing me.

The growth and maturity that i never could imagine that day was sitting in front of me. Then I looked in the mirror and saw a woman who definitely looks a bit more mature than I remember. I honestly thought that living till 50 would mean a long life
when you have cancer at age 36. I have 4 more years to go to reach age 50.

Then, I heard of a dear lady we know who was recently struck with a diagnosis of an acute illness that is leaving her a very very short time to live. Surreal feeling sweeps across you for a moment.

This year, I saw many losses that affected many families or communities in Japan due to the earthquake and tsunami. No one can explain or logically comprehend the complexity of the grief. The weight of the loss is simply heavy and its impact is great. OFten none of us recognizes the significance of the each other's presence in our present world until the presence, all of the sudden, becomes something of beyond your reach, crossing over to the other side. In April, many kids entered the new school year in Japan without one of their parents or in some cases both of their parents.

Why I am given the blessing of being the mother of a high school freshman is a mystery and I will count it, nothing but the grace. Sure, I would like to picture us grown old with Erik as an adult in our future. Now, I feel like I can allow myself to imagine that. But I will try not to be too greedy. I am given more than many . After all, I was told that I had 45% chance of making another 5 years.

August 20th, 2002, I learned of my Cancer Diagnosis. It seems like many years ago and it also seems like yesterday when I recall the detail of the year. It was not an easy year but it was an year that I would not trade with anything.

It has been 9 year. How many more? I will count as many as I am given, one year at a time. Deep in my heart, I am celebrating the each year as if it was 1000 years each. I must cherish it all, one year at a time.





Comments

the⋆silver⋆of⋆His⋆fining said…
What a precious post. Thank you for sharing your heart. Truly none of know how many moments we will have to share with our loved ones. But God is Faithful in HIs Sovereignty to give us the Grace for each moment, shared or lost. I'm glad you have been given this gift of time with Eric. May God in His Grace enable you to make every moment a special one. Joyce
August 21, 2011 at 2:25 PM
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