Valentine's Day, are you ready?

Do you have the perfect gift to pamper your special person?

Nothing wrong with making an effort to show your loved ones in a tangible way how much your care about them. But I have been in a mood to avoid any support for the commercialized version of the "Valentine allure". No, I did not buy a card or any special gift, let alone a plan a dinner date. All I know is that as soon as Christmas was over, Hallmark, gift stores, and grocery stores all began restocking their shelves with Valentines items to get you in the spirit. Although I must simply understand that the current economy is the driving force behind it, I was still enjoying the after effect of the Christmas Holiday too much to think about Valentines.

Yesterday morning I was in one of the local grocery store with my husband. I strategically examined every aisle for how the store attempts to allure my dollar for their Valentine scheme. There was something at almost every aisle for you to notice in either pink or red, visually reminding your oblivious brain that it is Valentine's day coming up.

Maybe it is because I did not marry someone who is gifted in the analytically crafted or technically engineered gift giving, or it is because I simply learned that I receive far more long lasting satisfaction from intangible signs of trust, commitment, collaboration and affection more than the tangibles, I made a declaration to my husband "DO NOT BUY ME anything". Do not buy me a flower arrangement, I rather enjoy the process of arranging them myself. I also know that most florists raise their prices in February. I do not want to go out for dinner either. I know I would probably not feel that money was well spent for the service we receive (as picky as I am). I do not even want a card. My husband is not a very emotional person and most of these cards express Valentines wishes in a way that is so unlike of the man I know. If he finds a card one day that represents a combustible chemical reaction of two compounds, I may consider that more appealing and perfect!

I know, I have changed. Living with one of the most analytical persons for the last 17 years has definitely altered what I value in relationships and friendships. My early days of disappointments were caused more or less because of my unrealistic expectations. You have a different expectation whether your operation system is Blackberry vs iPhone or Mac vs PC. People are vastly more complex than that. Gradually, my expectations have learned to respect the differences between two people. Some may say that I am making things too easy and that my man should try something creative.... Well, he consistently works hard, stays actively involved in our child's life with dedicated interest and also puts up with my idiosyncrasies. He has frequently tolerated days of me not cooking decent meals when I get myself buried under projects. He has literally encouraged me to constantly expand my interest whether it was Gemology Qualification (did you know I used to work with diamonds? ), oil painting, grad school, or music. He is unusually considerate in quite an analytical way; no assay could accurately reveal that. He respects my mind's desire to engage in certain activities that are meaningful to me or intellectually interesting and satisfying to me. And that is only the beginning. His unique quality is not flashy but stability is definitely the center of it.

It is easy to do something special for the special day, but showing a consistent effort throughout the year may not be so easy. My analytical chemist may not be consciously thinking in terms of how to make an effort to strengthen the chemical bond, but he has become an essential element to my molecule.

He stuck with me through tough years in sickness and health, literally. We have also gone through quite a low point in life bank account wise, addressing the part of for Richer or Poorer.

I could not have cared less about Valentine's day right now in the way the world defines the day. I have had many days that are equivalent to 100 Valentine's day and more. One fancy dinner, even if it existed in this town, could not and would not top that.

I honestly felt very fortunate as I watched my better half pick up, clean, put things away after grocery shopping, organize my pantry (which he arranges better than I do, like he arranges the chemical bottles in his lab), and take the trash out while I cooked and baked to prepare for a fun evening with a friend. He used to say, we will have more time for fun if we pitched in to work together. Sitting around the table with laughter is certainly not available for sale. I had a sweet evening at home topped with the most decadent caramel-drizzled dessert we all loved.

But for those friends who are enjoying the traditional Valentine's day, congrats to the creative effort to make the day special.

Are we presenting a horrible example to our son for not observing Valentine's day?